


Endura(nce)

by MeinongsJungleBook



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Amica Endurae, Conjunx Endura, First Kiss, Friendship, Jealousy, Longing, Love, Misunderstandings, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-07-30 22:45:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20104846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeinongsJungleBook/pseuds/MeinongsJungleBook
Summary: Windblade wants to be Starscream's amica endura.Starscream feels differently.





	Endura(nce)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Windscream Week prompt "First Kiss".

The first time Windblade asked Starscream if he’d be her amica endura, he refused. After all, he already had an amica in Bumblebee, and _two _amicas seemed excessive – having to be all emotionally open and supportive and all that scrap with Bumblebee was already exhausting enough; having to do all that with _two _bots was clearly asking far too much of him. Honestly, Windblade should have known better than to put something like that on him and then have the gears to look all sad and disappointed when he said no. Yes, it was the _presumption_ of her offer that had to explain the strange pain that had wracked his frame when she’d made it. When Bumblebee had asked him if he was sure that was why he’d rejected her, Starscream lied and said he was.

When Bumblebee and Thundercracker became conjunx endura, Starscream couldn’t deny that he was jealous. Well, he _could_, and he did for some time, but eventually he had to admit to himself what the all-too-familiar feeling was when he saw Bee and TC doing all the disgustingly schoompy, couple-y things they liked to do together in plain view of unwilling onlookers such as himself. Holding hands, gazing at each other with idiotically gooey expressions, snuggling up to one another at any given opportunity, and – urgh – _kissing_; every one of these displays between his amica and his ‘brother’ (as TC insisted on referring to their relationship) made Starscream’s energon boil in a way he knew all too well. 

Starscream was sure that he was jealous, but he wasn’t sure of _what_ exactly – did he want Bumblebee for himself in that way? When Bee had offered to be his amica, Starscream had been overwhelmed with emotion (though he loathed to admit it). In his four million years of life he’d never had an amica before, and the fact that someone had come to trust, care for, and love him enough to want that bond with him had touched parts of his spark he hadn’t realised were there. As Bumblebee’s amica, Starscream had felt a level of closeness and contentment that he’d never had with anyone before. He didn’t want anything to be any different. 

Maybe that was why he felt jealous – Thundercracker was monopolising all of Bee’s attention as his conjunx. Except…he wasn’t. Sure, after they’d announced their intention to be bonded, Starscream had been absolutely ready to be incredibly bitter when Bumblebee inevitably abandoned him for Thundercracker, but it seemed that Bumblebee was ready for his readiness. After joining with Thundercracker, Bee somehow managed to find even _more_ time for Starscream; Starscream had let Bumblebee get to know him far too well, and the minibot had anticipated Starscream’s expectation that he’d abandon him, and then had done everything he could to subvert it. Bee had countered all of the paranoia and cynicism Starscream had been refining for the last four million years with his arsenal of sparkfelt gestures, considerate words, attentive listening, and gentle understanding, and eventually Starscream had to give up and admit defeat. Bumblebee had clearly been forged with the freakish outlier ability of being able to have both a conjunx and amica while balancing the amount of love and attention he paid to both.

Also, while Starscream did generally feel some level of jealousy whenever he saw Bee and Thundercracker spending time together, it was when he saw them doing all that gross romantic scrap that Starscream _really_ felt his jealousy flair. So it wasn’t just them being together that really got to him, it was watching them be romantic with one another that made Starscream burn with jealousy. Also, when he saw them canoodling, Starscream’s jealousy wasn’t just far more intense; it also felt slightly different in terms of its basic quality. Eventually, Starscream realised that it wasn’t jealousy that Bumblebee and Thundercracker’s romantic displays provoked in him exactly, it was _envy_.

The second time Windblade asked Starscream to be her amica endura, he’d refused her again. He could see that she was trying not to look hurt by his rejection, but he could tell that she was, and somehow that hurt him in turn. He wanted to get angry at her for hurting him by being hurt, and for hurting him by asking in the first place, but he no longer indulged his irrational emotional reactions when it was at the expense of people he cared about, and he really did care about Windblade. However, he was still willing to hurt others to an extent if it was what it took to get what he wanted, and he was never one to settle for anything less than everything he wanted. 

Starscream had asked Windblade what made her want him as an amica anyway, and she’d told him that after everything they’d been through together, the depths to which they’d come to know each other, and the ways they’d helped each other heal and grow, it didn’t seem right for them to be anything else. Her words had both moved him and hurt him even more, and he had considered arguing with her, as he often did, by telling her that as usual she’d gotten so many things right while getting the most essential part wrong. But instead he’d just given a curt nod of understanding and left without providing an explanation for his rejection.

In the months that followed there was an air of awkwardness between them that drove Starscream mad; he hadn’t realised how much he’d come to treasure the strangely easy company their relationship had evolved into until its comfort had been replaced by this subtle disquiet. Honestly, he’d preferred it back when they’d wanted each other dead, because at least back then they’d let each other know exactly what their problems were with one another, instead of tiptoeing around what they wanted to say. At least it had been exciting, as opposed to just excruciating.

It wasn’t the kind of situation Starscream was accustomed to dealing with, but he wanted it dealt with so they could at least go back to the way things were between them before. Starscream considered how Bumblebee deftly handled all sorts of interpersonal tension, and wondered if he could wield some of the weapons from his amica’s arsenal. This quickly resulted in a hot mess thanks to Starscream being both deeply determined and deeply out of his element, and his bizarre behaviour just managed to make everything even more awkward between the two of them. Eventually however, Starscream’s increasingly awkward attempts at being considerate went from being incredibly weird to charmingly hilarious in Windblade’s optics, and soon she was breaking down laughing at Starscream’s bizarre interpretations of Bee’s methods. While her bursting out in a fit of giggles wasn’t what Starscream was going for when he did his best to compliment her on being enslaved to her overly inflated sense of empathy for the faceless rubes, at least it wasn’t awkward silence. So in the end Starscream did manage to break the tension between them, just not quite in the way he had planned.

The third time Windblade asked Starscream to be her amica endura, the request was very much in the subtext of their conversation, and in all fairness Starscream had subtly manoeuvred her into asking, just to find out if she still would. When she did, his spark had ached in both disappointment and the knowledge that he’d have to hurt her once again, but then he found that this time he couldn’t stand to see her pain. Again, he wanted to object and tell her the way he just knew things _ought_ to be, but after all this time in which Windblade hadn’t changed her mind, it was clear exactly what she wanted from him, and he didn’t need to hear her reasons or suffer the humiliation of her rejection. So Starscream had finally accepted Windblade’s offer, and the smile that had lit up her face had almost made it worth it.

After that, being amica seemed to have little impact on their relationship as far as Starscream could tell – they'd already reached a place where they found themselves confiding in each other, supporting each other, spending a lot of free time with each other, and deeply caring about one another. Being amica didn’t change any of that, but Starscream did notice that Windblade tended to be, in some subtle sense, more relaxed around him now, like she was more secure in where she stood with him. Meanwhile on Starscream’s side, the main difference in their relationship for him now was that when he looked at Windblade, he felt the ache of knowing what couldn’t be.

The first time Windblade kissed Starscream – _really _kissed, not just a sweet little peck on the cheek – Starscream had been overwhelmed by many feelings, chief amongst them confusion.

_ “What are you doing?!?” _ he shrieked after breaking away from the contact he had been sorely tempted to just allow to continue, but his shock and bewilderment had won out. 

Windblade’s azure optics widened, before her expression turned to one of supreme embarrassment, “_Oh_…I’m sorry,” she said, looking away from him, shamefaced. 

That wasn’t the explanation Starscream wanted out of her, _“Why would you do that?!?”_ he spluttered.

A little bit of hurt mixed in with Windblade’s expression of growing embarrassment as she continued to avoid his optics and said, “…because I misread the mood, _clearly_…and a lot of other things I guess.”

“I-_what?_ You’re not making any sense!” Starscream whined, his confusion alchemising into frustration.

Now a slight element of anger entered Windblade’s expression as she stopped avoiding his optics in order to side-eye him, “I’m not sure exactly what is so hard to understand about what’s happening here.”

Starscream’s frustration reached its boiling point, _“You’re the one who asked me to be your amica__!” _ he shrieked.

Windblade knitted her eyebrows, “…and?” she asked, as though what he’d just said was a completely irrelevant aside.

_“And?!”_ Starscream spluttered. “And amicas don’t kiss like that!”

Now Windblade looked as confused as he felt, “What? Since when?”

Starscream stared at her blankly for a moment before he cried, “_Since_-since ever!”

Now it was Windblade’s turn to stare blankly before she slowly said, “…that isn’t how it works on Caminus.”

There was another pause, during which they simply stared at each other, before Starscream spoke in a much more subdued voice, “...how does it work on Caminus exactly?”

Windblade gazed at him, and now he thought that he could see a hint of what he could swear was hope in her expression, “Um, _well_...if we care deeply about someone, and feel very close to them, and want that bond to be a part of our lives forever, we might ask them to be our amica. Then, if none of that changes…but we decide that we also have some additional feelings for that person, feelings that make us want some other things from them, we might try to explore other ways of being with them.”

“Sooo...being amica doesn’t preclude becoming conjunx on Caminus?” Starscream asked.

Windblade raised her eyebrows at the very idea, “What? No! That sounds like a terrible idea; how can two people expect to be successful conjunxes if they can’t be good amica?”

“That’s how it works on Cybertron,” Starscream said flatly.

Windblade stared at him blankly again before she buried her face in her hand and gave a slightly hysterical laugh. She then just looked up at him, her expression a mix of amusement, weariness, and still that hint of hope, before she flourished her hand in a helpless gesture and said, “Well this sure is a-_mmmmfffff__!!_”

The first time Starscream kissed Windblade, he took her a bit off-guard, but it was only fair given how much of a shock she’d given him the first time she tried it. This time however, any remaining confusion melted away very quickly, and was summarily replaced by intense delight, excitement and adoration. With his lips locked with hers, Starscream said everything to Windblade that he’d been wanting to say for years without having to form any words at all, and she was _very_ receptive to everything he had to say. Overwhelming emotion washed almost all coherent thought from Starscream’s processor, but in a brief moment of lucidity he made a mental note to later check if there were any other cultural differences between Cybertron and Caminus that he really should know about.

Their first kiss(es) were the first of many firsts that night, and only a couple of the others involved cross-cultural misunderstandings.

**Author's Note:**

> In this fic I've basically characterised things as:
> 
> Amica Endura = super-loving and committed BFFs
> 
> Conjunx Endura = romantic/possibly sexual couples
> 
> However, in my other fics, particularly my series, I prefer the idea of the Amica/Conjunx distinction being something more original and alien, which I will explore at some later point.


End file.
